I had a few candidates for tonight’s post, including some quite nice fungus that I found in the garden this morning, and a handsome little orb-weaver spider. In the end I’ve chosen this female Myathropa florea, feeding on ivy, because neither she nor the ivy flowers are likely to be around for much longer. The ring flash is helping me to spin out the invert season, but by now I really should be making some plans for getting out and finding wildlife during the bug-free months. The problem with which is that I’m feeling quite low, for reasons largely connected with the pandemic (no singing, no evenings out with R, no visiting and hugging the kids), and planning anything feels tiring and a bit pointless. I’ll get through this phase, I’m sure, but at the moment getting from one end of the day to the other seems like enough of a challenge.
The various political rows that have been going on over the past few days – especially over child poverty and hunger – and some heart-rending personal anecdotes I’ve heard of people who are having to navigate their way through the pandemic alone, have brought home to me how lucky I am in very many ways. Which of course brings in its wake guilt at feeling down, when so many of my fellow citizens have so much more to cope with than I do. If there’s one thing I’ve learned by now though, it’s that beating oneself up is rarely helpful. Instead, I’m looking for a balance point: being kind to myself, while not overindulging the black dog.
I will get there.