Good day, JDO. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to capture a close-up photograph of one of the two buzzards which live at Sheen Hill.
OK – that doesn’t sound too hard….
You need to know that buzzards are very shy, and reluctant to be approached by humans.
And although they rarely react to a vehicle moving past them at normal speed, they respond fearfully when a car slows down in their vicinity.
Oh, right. That will make things harder.
They also have what some people think is a preternatural ability to detect when a car is carrying a photographer with a long lens.
Oh please – you’re just being silly now.
Feel free to prove us wrong. You also need to know that should you run your car into a ditch in pursuit of this mission, or break your windscreen through careless extension of your lens, the Agency will deny all knowledge of your actions.
This tape will self-destruct in five seconds.
I’ll probably be back before then.
Oh – and one last thing you should probably bear in mind….
Wait – what now??!!!
…..is that the stabilisation of your lens is unlikely to be able to overcome the vibration of even a stationary car if the engine is still running.
WHAT???!!! Could you not have told me that sooner???
Soz. Better luck next time. This tape will……