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Drove the Bride-to-Be to Witney.

Bought a dress.

Ate cake.

Drove home.

It was all perfectly straightforward – I really don’t know what you made so much fuss about. My only niggle is that by finding, choosing and buying the perfect dress today (and still having time for coffee and cake within our two-hour parking slot), we’ve robbed the situation of ongoing comedy value. On the plus side however, I won’t need to put my head in the food processor and switch it on – so on balance, I think I win.

Witney’s quite nice, if you’ve never been. A bit Chipping Norton set – which naturally made me want to don a Che Guevara t-shirt and start singing the Internationale – but as it’s the centre of what used to be David Cameron’s constituency I didn’t really expect any better. And it does have an excellent cake café (helpfully called The Cake Café), and I can wholeheartedly recommend one at least of its three bridal gown emporia.

Who, sorry? Oh yes – the dress. It’s fabulous. It’s got a thing here, and the neckline does this, and then the skirt does this really interesting skirty thing…. oh dear. I’m possibly not explaining this very well….. Look – just think of Anjelica Huston playing Morticia Adams, and you’ll be pretty much there. Honestly, you’re going to love it!