My name is Myathropa florea, and I have anger management issues.
Things that make me cross include:
Flies
Other hoverflies
Other Myathropa florea
Humans
Humans with cameras
Humans with cameras and big, blowy hair.
I deal with the human with the camera and the big, blowy hair by buzzing around her head like an angry bee. I look like an angry bee, and I sound like an angry bee – yet somehow she is not frightened away.
This makes me cross.
I land on the tree with a bang, and she points the camera at me. I fly away fast. I buzz around her head again, but she just shakes the big, blowy hair at me, so I thump down onto the tree again – and immediately, back comes the camera. I take off and land violently a couple more times, but she’s still there, taking photos.
By now I’m very cross indeed. A greenbottle lands on my tree, and I shoulder-charge it. Just because. She takes more photos.
They say that I’m instantly recognisable because the dark mark on my thorax looks like the Batman symbol. If this is true, I wish it to be known that I am not the camp, Val Kilmer Batman: I am the charmless, Christian Bale Batman.
I wish I had teeth.
Finally she realises that I am not to be trifled with, and takes her camera and her big, blowy hair elsewhere. She’ll think twice about trying to photograph me again.
I am Myathropa florea. You have been warned.
